The Eye of the Storm

"The storm is passing over..."

I sang those words in choir practice today for the hundredth time, but this time I listened. I had my own storm hanging over me. Like the weather today, I've been a little dreary and damp.

But as I sang, my Redeemer's voice said to me, "The storm doesn't end when the circumstances change. It ends when you trust Me."

Don't wait for times to change; find the eye of the storm and let God hold you close. Let His love silence the thunder.

On the way back to my room from the Student Dining Room (SDR), I was thinking about everything that's happened recently and my face uncontrollably burst into a huge smile. I must have looked ridiculous grinning to myself, which is why I tried to keep my face straight as I turned a corner.

When everyone returns to campus for the fall semester, the number one question is: "How was your summer?" And my answer was always: "Not so good. But it was good to be home." Since the conventional answer is "Good!" or "Awesome! I went on a missions trip to ______!" or "Great! I spent all summer counseling at a camp!", I took a few people by surprise. When asked why it wasn't so good, I told them how I had looked for a job all summer and never found one. Everyone understands. A lot of Moody students attend here by faith year by year, semester by semester, or even month by month.

Even though summer was a little rough, I grew in trusting God with the future. He was so faithful to send me little reminders of His faithfulness, and when I got to school, He kept giving them.

Three weeks into classes, a friend told me about an accompanist position at her home church in the suburbs. In two days, I had met with for the worship pastor and was offered the job. It takes me over an hour each way; I take the L, walk seven blocks, and ride the Metra for 50 minutes. On Thursday, I take the train out, get picked up, go to choir practice, and get picked up again by my friend's parents. The next morning, I take the 9:20 Metra back into Chicago and get back to school around 10:30-11:00 in time for my 12pm class. Saturday afternoon, I do it all again and return the next afternoon after playing for both services with Sunday school in between. But I don't mind. I get to get off campus and it's helping pay for school! God didn't have to answer my prayer so quickly or with such a perfect job, but He did!

Well, I've done my homework for the evening, so I'm going to jump into my huge bed in the guest room upstairs. I've got a train to catch tomorrow.

"But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you." ~ 1 Samuel 12:24

God's Purpose or Mine? by Oswald Chambers

He made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side . . . —Mark 6:45

"We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God’s purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself.

What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish— His purpose is the process itself. What He desires for me is that I see “Him walking on the sea” with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see “Him walking on the sea” (Mark 6:49). It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God.

God’s training is for now, not later. His purpose is for this very minute, not for sometime in the future. We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it. What people call preparation, God sees as the goal itself.

God’s purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now. If we have a further goal in mind, we are not paying enough attention to the present time. However, if we realize that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious."

This is July 28th's devotion from Oswald Chambers' daily devotion book "My Utmost for His Highest".

Guilty or not guilty?

I'm guilty of a lot of things. I've wasted time, said the wrong things, given in to temptation...let's not go on.

Sometimes the things I'm guilty of have dragged me down into the mud of hopelessness and self-loathing. I let my feelings give me forty lashes and only then do I remember grace.

I've never forgotten what a brilliant young preacher once said:

"Never remain in the hot waters of conviction, but let them push you into the loving arms of grace."

Are you resisting the arms of grace until you've paid your way there by letting guilt take over?

Do you know what grace means? Have you accepted what it means?

...............................................................

So are we guilty? Yes.

Based on what we have done, we are guilty.

But based on what Someone Else did...eternally, we are pronounced...

Not guilty.

In the footsteps of my Master.

If you expected a gripping day-by-day account of my two weeks in Israel, I’m sorry, but that would be a little too much for most readers. Instead, I’m trying to pick a few reoccurring thoughts or key moments to write about.

Visiting the Wailing Wall (Western Wall) stands out to me as a particularly moving experience. Previously, the Western Wall wasn’t even on my mental top ten because I had never learned why it was significant. I only knew that it was old. But then I learned it was so old that it had been part of the second temple. Waitttt a second. The wall had enclosed the temple mount where God Himself dwelt?!?

We were given about fifteen minutes, so I pulled out a mini notebook and sat down at the back of the women’s section near the wall. Instead of carefully constructing a beautiful prayer, I wrote what I was thinking, praising God for His love and faithfulness. I folded the note in my hand and slowly made my way through the crying, praying, and bowing figures towards the wall itself.

I thought maybe the Jews idolized the wall, longing and wailing for the days when God dwelt in his temple. It's true that they long for His presence, but the wall isn’t an idol or a good luck charm. It’s a piece of Jewish history and the closest they can be to God’s ancient dwelling. Millions go there to pray and cry out for their city and their people.

I came right up to the wall, reminding myself that God wouldn't hear me here any more than somewhere else in the world. But I was still awed as I stood beneath the huge wall that was built in the distant times I had been reading about all year. I tucked my note into a crack already crammed with various colored pieces of paper and squinted upwards at the enormous structure.

I prayed to God that no matter where I was, I would always pray with the same awe I felt at that moment. As a dear friend pointed out later, the same incredible power that dwelt on the temple mount now lives in us. This is the same God who miraculously took the Israelites out of Egypt, the same One who appeared in a cloud and in fire, the same One who made the walls of Jericho suddenly fall, and the same One whose presence thousands of years ago makes the temple mount remain the most holy place in the world.
He lives in me. And He loves me.

Someday you should go to Jerusalem and see the temple mount. Imagine standing just a little ways from the exact place where an enormous temple once stood. You can almost see the people reverently coming up the temple steps. The Bible is transformed into living color.


The Pools of Bethesda

Hezekiah's Tunnel

The Pools of Siloam

The Lower Pool (it's only partially excavated)

The Mount of Olives

The Garden of Gethsemane

The Southern Steps of the temple...

...it's all there!

My flip-flops are worn through and my feet
are still covered with the dust of my Master's
footsteps. It's been an amazing journey.





The only problem is...at 19, I feel like there’s nothing in the world left to see!!! :)

a teeny snippet.

Oops. I just idly hit a button on the side of the printer in the computer lab here on Houghton 1...it happened to be the power button. When I turned the printer back on, it whirred continuously for 30 seconds. It reminded me of my brain...except it's not warming up; it's already overheated from all the whirring it's been doing for the past week...few weeks......nine months.

From August 18th, 2010 to June 8th, 2012, I will have spent only 16 days at home. Those 16 days were also the only real break I had since I spent my two-week spring break were on tour with the Women's Choir.

But even the other 278 hectic and never-homework-free days were equally AMAZING! Some reasons that come to mind are: feeling at home in Chicago, living with my 3West girls, traveling with WCC, making amazing friends (including a best friend I'm rooming with this fall!), loving my roommate Jamie more and more as the year went on, gaining experience in ministry, learning music theory, having professors who care, and a billion other things.

Where I am right now:
1) After the worst night of this semester, my entire room got packed up in one night with a friend's help. God made so many details fall into place with packing space and storage. :)
2) I've changed a lot since August...I would hope at least! This place and these people have turned my entire life upside down in the best way possible. :)
3) In 1 day and 8 hours, I'm flying to Israel with WCC.

Most of you are just going to have to wait to talk to me in person to find out more. I can't possibly say everything I want to in a blog post.

And I have to get to bed. xO Goodnight!

Quick update. :)

First I wanted to share a link to a jewelry designer my sister discovered: http://www.belkai.com/blog/2011/04/07/new-design-flourish-necklace/comment-page-1/#comment-1642

By posting that on my blog, I get another entry in a drawing set for 10pm tonight. They periodically give away really cool jewelry, and the drawings aren't very competitive. My sister won a necklace in a drawing of about 50 people.

I also just wanted to say hi to everyone. I realize I've only written one blog on spring tour, and I definitely have some other things to say. I've journaled about it, so I'll have to transfer my thoughts at some point. Blogging simply isn't on top of my list as far as priorities go. I have a lot of work to do as the semester comes to a close...a CLOSE?! Jeeperssss, where did the time go??

I'll be done with finals on May 11th, commencement is on the 14th, and I think we're leaving for Israel on the 17th. We'll be back in Chicago on June 1st, and then I may hop a train to Ohio to spend some time with family before getting a ride back home on June 7th or 8th. Then I'll be home until August 20th or something like that.

So that's what's up with me! I'm so excited to go home. It will have been 9 months since I've spent an extended period of time at home. 16 days for Christmas break doesn't really count as "extended". And not to look ahead too much, but I'm also looking forward to this fall. No more OT or NT Survey for one! I'm taking Music Theory III and some other good classes, we'll have new freshmen on the floor, and I'm rooming with a crazy girl I love dearly. Lots of great things to look forward to...but one thing at a time. Next up: ISRAEL!

We'll talk again soon [I hope]. ;)

Spring Tour~Day 1

Tour Day 1

Time: Early afternoon
I love New England. Being one of the FIVE people at my school from NE, I must say I'm kinda proud of it. It's a beautiful little place. But having only seen the east and part of the Midwest, I didn't have much to compare it to. But now that I live in Chicago and have seen more of the country, I know even more why I love New England. But as far as stunning views, evergreens, beautiful coastlines, and mountains go...Washington is...WOW. I've been taking plenty of pictures, but none of them captures the view adequately. I've almost given up on taking any more.

We're currently in the Cascades a couple of hours out of Seattle on our way to the Moody Spokane campus. We spent the morning in Seattle, and our bus driver gave us a tour before dropping us off to explore Pike's Place and find lunch. (Our driver's name is Gene and we found out when he arrived this morning that he's a Christian! God is cool like that.)
Pike's Place was an adorable, ramshackle collection of shops selling flowers, fresh seafood, trinkets, handmade crafts, clothes, and jewelry. It was a typical Seattle day--rainy. For lunch, I had smoked salmon chowder and then some girls and I went to Seattle's Best Coffee for a pick me up. For $1.71, I had a "level 4" (medium dark roast) coffee. We had fun exploring the shops and making our mark in the famous gum wall in an alley beneath Pike's Place. 

As I'm writing this, Gene is telling us about the high plains we're driving through. We just crossed the Columbia River and you can see for miles. There are layers and layers of hills in the distance. Everything is a greyish brown and the vegetation is scrubby, but it's still beautiful.

Time: 11:03 PM
I'm in bed now, exhausted from some jet lag and lots of laughter with our hosts. Two of the host families, both young married couples, are good friends so we had dinner together. It was nice because we got to meet even more new people and have two more WCCers there too. We played some intense rounds of pictionary and had tiramisu for dessert. Well, we have a Sunday church service concert in the morning and another concert tomorrow night. Call time is 8am, so I need to get some sleep before my 6:40am alarm goes off. 

And daylight savings HAD to be tonight. xP

P.S. If I can get on a computer at someone's house, I'll try to add pictures to the blog. If not, they'll all be on Facebook when I get back. :)

You know that feeling.....

when something majorly sneaks up on you? Mhm.

I'm flying to Seattle tomorrow night! It's 10 minutes until midnight, so in 10 minutes I'll be flying there "today". Wow. And I thought Spring Tour was a ways down the road....uhhh, nope.

Please pray for safety and strength for all of us. This past weekend was exhausting and that was only two days of recording and a concert. And please pray most of all for us (and all the other touring music ensembles) to do God's work with all of our hearts! I already saw God's hand working through our concerts on Winter Tour, so I'm very excited to see what He does on a 15 day tour!

I may post some mini blogs while I'm in Washington and British Columbia. I'll have computer access at our host homes, so I may pop on to give you a little update, especially if anything crazy exciting happens!

(Ah! I'll be in Seattle in 24 hours!)

Love,

Bekah


P.S. Please also keep our international tour to Israel in your prayers. Currently, I'm just over halfway to my needed support of $3,200, and it's coming up fast. A lot of girls are in the same boat and it can make us a little anxious. But praise God for the generosity we have already seen!

I have "tasted that the Lord is good".

The title of my blog seems very apt today.

I must confess...I've been a little moody lately, part of the reason being my homework. If my schoolwork could be expressed with one picture, it would be a monster made of stacks of books and papers that sits silently on my desk giving me the evil eye. It's the kind of monster that waits to bite you until you've ignored it too long.
I may be about to get bitten, but I think I might just escape.

On top of the stress of homework has been my struggle to decide what to major in. I know some of you had no idea I was even thinking about changing my current major, which is a BA in Music with an emphasis in piano. I don't exactly remember how the doubts started, but it just didn't feel like me. I have never imagined myself going into ministry using primarily music, so what was I doing as a piano major?? I couldn't answer that question, so I've been seriously considering changing to Women's Ministry, which is in line with what I want to do in the future. However, something has kept me from making that final decision--many things have, actually. My professors have told me that I'm a wonderful pianist with a lot of potential. "Have you thought about switching to the 5-year major? Have you considered grad school?" I also found that I have an aptitude for theory and a good ear for pitches and intervals. I was looking forward to conducting class, and I'm learning a lot in my piano lessons with Dr. Lee. But at the same time, I still didn't have a good reason for being a piano major.
My brain has been running in circles, but God has provided person after person to give me wise counsel or simply encouragement. My friend and adopted big sister :), Sarah, reminds me not to worry. Just seeing her every day really cheers me up. My friend Tiffany knew about my tough decision and planned to cut my hair at a time when her roommate, a women's ministry major, would be around so we could talk. The girls on my floor regularly ask me how things are going. Two of my professors took the time last semester to talk with me and pray for me. Just a couple of days ago, my friend Lisa, the president of the Women's Choir, left a note in my school mailbox. On the front was Psalm 27:14 which was the same verse I had been holding onto for encouragement this past week.
As of right now, I'm signing up for classes tomorrow as a piano major, I'll meet with an academic counselor this semester to explore my options for an interdisciplinary or music emphasis, and adjust my schedule accordingly. I think the reason I can't decided between music or women's ministry may be because I should do both! We'll see where the Lord leads from here.

A week from tomorrow, I'll be flying with my fellow WCC members into Seattle, WA. Having never been west of Chicago, I'm looking forward to seeing Washington and British Columbia.



{Just taking a little side trail here...}
Vancouver is a city surrounded by water and mountains??? How could this get any better? I'm also really excited to see milk in bags. Yeah, uhhh, apparently Canadians buy their milk in plastic bags that you put in a pitcher! And maybe I'll get to try Maynards Wine Gums and Fuzzy Peach Slices! (My Canadian brother RA has an empty container of Maynards Fuzzy Peach Slices in his room and they look absolutely delicious.) I will be the farthest away from Massachusetts I've ever been next week, and I'm SUPER EXCITED. It's so beautiful out there. I can't wait to get a break from this concrete jungle and see the Pacific Ocean for the first time.

{Okay, we're back!}
So far I've covered two types of journeys I'm going through, mental and physical. Since spiritual is the only one left, here's a little peek into that.
Satan is always prowling. Every time I pray, I'm refreshed and saturated with God's truth. And yet I often get dragged away from spending quality time in prayer. It's like I have two apples in front of me. One is obviously better, but it's a little farther away...so I just pick up the one that's closest--the speckled, slightly bruised one. My time with God is either short, rushed, or lacking in excitement to spend time with Jesus. Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." It's been a struggle, but I'm reaching out for that better apple because I know how good it tastes.