Let me rephrase that.
I'm a terrible, needy person.
Whenever I feel my attention to my relationship with Jesus has gone down....you can guess what goes up.
Yep. The terrible-ness. And needy-ness.
Maybe you can relate.
I just heard a sermon that opened with a quote from a high school commencement speech given by a teacher. Its main point was: you're not special. I don't think I am. I try not to. I spent a good part of my teenage years pretty vehemently disliking myself. So I figured...hey, I'll be good at not thinking much of myself.
Wrong.
A brief example...
"Why didn't so-and-so ask to hang out with me? They probably don't care about me. No that can't be true. But I saw on Instagram they had time for so-and-so! Wow, FINE. I won't text them!
Oh my gosh, so-and-so has hardly texted me. Probably thinks I'm annoying and doesn't miss me. Why won't they text back? Oh good. Waaaait, why did they text back that time and then the next time take foreverrrr.....hmmm...I think they're avoiding me. They don't want to talk to me!"
Don't worry. I'm rolling my eyes too.
Turns out selfishness or pride isn't just thinking well of yourself. It's thinking of yourself.
At ALL.
And I think about myself.
A lot.
We all do. ...Right?
But the Gospel could put a leak in even the most airtight ego.
"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Ephesians 5:1-2
Based on what goes through many of our heads, we're all holding onto self in one way or another.
For me right now, letting go of self might be....not being a friend who reads into everything and requires more maintenance and attention than a new puppy.
I'm nothing special. But if I lived my life like everyone else was, the knot of insecurity in my stomach would disappear and I would look a little more like...
"...Christ [who] loved us and gave himself up for us".
Bekah
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